There's Too Many Deer Where I Live

The pandemic has created uniquely stressful living environments for all of us. For me, nothing has made me more anxious than how many deer there are where I live. I am constantly surrounded by them. I live in Lunenburg, Nova Scotia, a small town known for shipbuilding and fisheries… But it won’t be for long if all these deer have anything to say about it!

When I was a child, seeing a deer was like a nice gift from nature. It was incredibly rare to spot one, and they’d get spooked and run right away. Things have changed. They’re still really big, but now I see them all the time and none of them are afraid of me in the slightest. 

On any given day, I see these 250 pound tick-ridden ghouls more often than I see people. My encounters with them always end with them looking me in the face and saying with their eyes “I have lyme disease (which is probably worse than COVID) and I don’t care if I die. What are you gonna do?” 

The worst part of it, is they’re right! What am I gonna do? I’m just some fat guy out on his morning walk. If a deer started running at me, I’d be fucked! They barely want to get out of your driveway sometimes, let alone share the walking trail with you. Every time I get into a stare down with one of these things (almost daily), I know that an old lady who isn’t afraid of deer could stride by at any minute, and that would be embarrassing. These animals make me feel bad and I am sick of them.

My antipathy for these majestic beasts may sound extreme to some urban readers, but let me try and put it in terms you can relate to. Let’s say you live in Toronto, a city that lovingly and hilariously refers to its exploding raccoon populace as “trash pandas”. Imagine how you’d feel if instead of a kitty cat sized animal infesting your city, it was one that was bigger than you. 

Imagine coming home at night to a family of 250 pound raccoons on your lawn, staring you in the eye. Imagine them roaming the bike lanes, eating from storefront vegetable stands. Imagine the anxiety you’d feel on your commute if they rammed into and violently derailed the Queen streetcar all the time. The GTA would be paralyzed with fear. Raccoons are cute because you never have to fear submitting to their authority. The same is not so with deer.

Am I saying that deer are plotting to overthrow us as the dominant species on planet Earth? I wouldn’t go that far, but... Whenever they’re in groups, it seems like they were just talking but then suddenly stopped when they saw you. If they do take over, I would say “In hindsight, this was inevitable.”

What can we do? Like all things in these strange times, there are no easy answers. You’re not allowed to shoot guns in town, so that option is out. I’ve spoken to the mayor about it, and he told me that he believes the firearm ban is a sensible policy and is not open to changing it. Would introducing predators such as coyotes or wolves to the situation help matters? That feels a little short sighted to me, but I would be open to at least looking into it.

Look, I get it. How uneasy I personally feel about the Lunenburg County deer population isn’t at the top of anyone’s priority list. Still, I feel like it’s important to start a broader conversation about the fact that deer are actually scary. I suspect one day, our lives will depend on it.